Cavorting
by waffleman1314
Summary: Doofenshmirtz invites Perry over for a friendly luncheon before his scheme that day, but it turns out being more than he can handle. A one-shot. Inspired by a Role-play on the Facebook page "Perry and Jamie Flynn xD."


**Hey guys, this is a funny one-shot that AJ wrote between Doof and Perry! I think it was funny, so I'm sharing it with the fanfic community...just to warn you, it's random xD **

* * *

It was a perfect day in Danville. Doofenshmirtz was awaiting the arrival of his nemesis, Perry the platypus, so he ordered his robot, Norm, to set out a nice spread for lunch. He emphasized that he wanted lemonade in a pitcher on the table. Something told him that Perry would like lemonade. Doof himself preferred water during nemesis battle.

Norm finished putting the last of the spread on the table and the doorbell rang. Doof went to get it and made sure to check the window beside the door to make sure it wasn't the Fireside Girls selling their delicious cupcakes again. Positive it wasn't them, he threw the door open.

"Ah, Perry the-"

"Nope, it's Paul the delivery guy," the man corrected. "I brought you that large order of bananas. What do you need all of these for, anyways?"

"Well, when my nemesis shows up, I'm going to show him with my inator, but I'll let you in on a little secret," Doof smiled. "It has to do with capybaras."

"Okay, then, dude," Paul laughed. "You've still got quite the imagination. Tell your dachshund I said 'hi,' okay?"

"He's not a dachshund," Doof shook his head, signing the paper. "He's a platypus."

"Oh, sorry," Paul apologized. He handed Doof half of the form and tipped his hat. "Well, have a good day anyways, sir."

Paul left and hurriedly boarded the elevator. He must have had some other packages to deliver. Doof looked down at the forms and frowned, then turned on his heel and went to complain to Norm.

"That Dummkpof left me the blue slip rather than the pink slip!" Doof grumbled.

"Perhaps it doesn't matter," Norm said optimistically.

"Of course it matters!" Doof argued. "He didn't do his job right, and now I have to call up the company and ask them to send me the pink slip, then return this darn blue slip! Why doesn't that matter, Norm?"

"Because," Norm objected. "It just doesn't."

Doof was about to protest when his door was knocked down and Perry the platypus stood on top of it in a ready stance. He blinked and looked at his nemesis, who awkwardly stared from Doof to the spread of food. Perry pointed at it and frowned.

"Oh, yeah, I figured we should do lunch, since it's, like, twelve," Doof shrugged. "But first, I want to even out this luncheon get together."

He walked over to one of his inators and promptly pressed the fire button. His intention was to trap Perry so that he couldn't escape the luncheon, but, to his surprise, nothing happened. Or so he thought.

"What was that supposed to do?" Perry said. Doof's eyes got real wide. Perry did a double take and covered his mouth with both hands.

"Well, that wasn't what I was intending to do at all…" Doof murmured. "This should be interesting…"

"Anyways, you wanted us to just sit down and eat lunch?" Perry narrowed his eyes. "No traps, no 'Turn-Everything-Evil-Inators,' no nothing?"

"Yep, just a friendly old nemesis get together," Doof nodded.

"Okay, then," Perry sighed. "Let's get this over with."

Norm pulled out a chair and invited Perry to come sit down. Perry, with a loud sigh, came and sat in the chair without being asked twice and stared at Doof. Seeing that Perry wasn't about to eat anything that Doof wouldn't eat, Doof sat down and took some of everything and poured himself a glass of water.

"Help yourself, Perry the platypus," Doof encouraged. "I even specially made you some lemonade. I made sure to perfect my lemonade recipe, too. Well, I hope you like it, anyways, Norm and I both tried it this morning. Norm added a tad more sugar, I think."

"If you insist," Perry shrugged. He put small portions of food onto his plate. Norm picked up the pitcher of lemonade and poured Perry a large glass. Perry smiled sheepishly in thanks, then quietly munched on a carrot.

Doof watched his nemesis eat slowly until he'd cleared his entire plate. He was waiting for him to try the lemonade- he really wanted Perry's opinion on his homemade drink. Perry looked skeptically at his drink before he took a sip. Realizing Doof was anxiously watching him, he downed the whole glass and grinned.

"That was actually the best lemonade I've ever tasted!" Perry exclaimed.

"Here, have some more!" Norm sang, pouring him another glass. The cycle went on until Perry had downed the entire pitcher of lemonade (which was a lot for him- it was a gallon pitcher) and was sitting back with a dumb look on his face.

"Norm, is that normal for him?" Doof frowned.

"Have you ever noticed the pretty rainbows that bounce off of your mirror back there?" Perry giggled.

"Say what, now?" Doof blinked. "I don't see any…what?"

"SPIDER! GET IT!" Perry yelled jumping face-first onto the table, scattering dishes.

"Whoa!" Doof jumped back to avoid being hit by Perry. "Dude, are you okay? I don't see any spiders…"

"It's a package deal!" Perry exclaimed excitedly. He ran over to the stereo and threw in a Justin Bieber CD. "If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go!"

Doof walked over to Perry, very confused and turned the stereo back off. Perry, who could care less what Doof was doing, ran over to the inators and began to jump between them, pressing their buttons with a sudden surge of happiness.

"PUSHY! PUSH! BUTTONS! YAY!" Perry went on. He pressed the self-destruct button on one and watched it explode. "Ooh, pretty! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

"What is he doing?" Doof scratched his head curiously.

"Baby, you light up my world like nobody else- the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed-" Perry sang.

"Norm, did he turn the stereo back on?" Doof demanded, but then he realized Perry was dancing with Norm. Doof ran his hands through his hair and wondered what was going on. This made for an interesting luncheon, he was certain on that one.

"You don't know, oh-oh, oh, you don't know you're beautiful!" Perry continued.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" Doof shouted.

Perry turned and stared blankly at his nemesis. Norm slowly edged away from Perry and began to nonchalantly dust the remaining inators. Frowning, Perry went and jumped on the couch, happily declaring 'whee' as he did so.

"Perry the platypus, what's gotten into you?" Doof asked.

"I don't share my carrier- it's private space, bro," Perry replied.

"You're not making any sense, you know this?" Doof put his hands on his hips. Perry grabbed them and began to slow dance, smiling to himself. Doof frowned and tried to pull away, but Perry had a tight grip on his wrists.

"Hey, I just met you-"

"No!"

"And this is crazy!"

"Perry the platypus, this is totally uncalled for!"

"But here's my number!"

"Norm! Save me! Please!" Doof pleaded. "Tell me what's wrong with him, I'm begging you! Was it the inators? Did you press something?"

"What's the last line of that song?"

"Oh, thank goodness."

"No!" Perry let go and ran over to the lampshade angrily. "You no murder my house!"

"Norm, can you check the expiration date on those carrots, please," Doof sighed. "Something's not right with him, I just know it. But what could we have done that made him so loopy? He wasn't like this earlier, was he?"

"No, sir," Norm replied. "But you ate the carrots, too, didn't you, sir?"

"I SEE THE MARSHMALLOWS, BRAH!" Perry leaped up and grabbed Doof's lab coat to hang onto him. "THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"

"Would you get off of me?!" Doof grabbed Perry by the wrists and pulled him away from his face. "There are no marshmallows, I didn't buy any, so don't think for one minute that there are any, okay?"

"TROLL FACE!" Perry shouted, making a weird expression at Doof.

"I am terrified at this point…" Doof sighed. "Say, Perry the platypus, let me tell you about the time I found a troll. Will that calm you down?"

"I'm sexy and I know it!" Perry danced very awkwardly.

"Norm, do we have any mild sedatives anywhere?" Doof looked for the robot. "Norm? Can you hear me? NORM!"

"Yes, sir, I can hear you," Norm peeked his head around the corner. "I was just getting the relative you wanted on the phone."

"Not relative!" Doof yelled. "Sedative! We need something to knock him out so he stops acting like this. Maybe when he wakes up the craziness will end and he'll go back to being normal old Perry the platypus."

"I like butter," Perry hopped in the fridge and began to stuff sticks of butter in his mouth.

"Yes, sir, I'll head down to Googolplex Mall and buy some right away, sir," Norm walked out of the building by smashing through the wall and leaving his own imprint in the wall. Doof furrowed his brow and cast an accusatory glance at Perry.

"You remember when I said he gets that from you?" Doof growled. "I still mean it."

"I kissed the mop," Perry returned, hopping out of the fridge and running off to find it. "I'm gonna hug it, and love it, and call it George."

"George?"

"No, no, not George! KEVIN!"

"A mop named Kevin, Perry the platypus?" Doof sighed.

"I'm gonna build a roller coaster, Mommy," Perry tugged at Doof's lab coat excitedly. "And Candace is gonna be a fuddy-duddy about it. She wants me in trouble and she really hates Perry. Why does Candace do that, Mommy?"

"What?" Doof's eyes got wide. "I'm not your mommy! And who's Candace? You're Perry, Perry the platypus!"

"CARL HAS THE PEANUTS!" Perry fell over dramatically on the floor.

"Okay, you're getting hopeless," Doof rolled his eyes.

"Hey, girl!" Perry hopped up and leaned on Doof's leg. "You're a platypus and you're fat."

"I really need to re-examine my life about now…" Doof started to walk off, leaving Perry to blather his nonsense. Instead, Perry leapt to catch up with him and ended up grabbing Doof's ankle, only to be dragged across the floor.

"COME BACK, FRED!"

"My name isn't Fred, Perry!"

"BUT YOU HAVE TO MEET JESSICA SIMPSON!"

"Have you lost it?"

"I love you, Heinz, will you marry me?" Perry knelt down on one knee. "We will be together forever! Forever and ever!"

"Go away, you're scaring me," Doof shuddered.

"Is it because of what I did to Norm in the closet?!" Perry dropped to both knees and began to sob on Doof's shoes. "Forgive me! Please, oh, please, you must forgive me!"

"What?! You pervert!" Doof exclaimed.

"We were only singing…?" Perry looked up, slightly confused.

"Oh, what were you singing, then?" Doof put his hands on his hips indignantly.

"Fight, fight, there's a platypus fight; there's a duck-billed duel; there's a monotreme melee!"

"Okay, I have had about enough of you and your singing for today!" Doof picked Perry up by the scruff of his neck and sat him on the couch. "No more singing, do you understand me? Are you… are you even listening to me, Perry the platypus?"

"BARNEY IS ON YAY!"

"TURN THAT CRAP OFF!"

"Are you…?" Perry hopped up and adamantly pulled Doof's pants off. "YOU ARE! YOU'RE WEARING UNICORN UNDERPANTS!"

"Perry the platypus!" Doof turned a brilliant shade of red. "Where is that robot at? I hope he's not distracted…"

* * *

"Yes, I do give out free yogurts!" Norm said happily as he handed a random kid a frozen yogurt. "Who else wants some?"

About two hundred other kids raised their hands. Doctor D could wait.

* * *

"I feel a draft," Perry blushed, tucking his tail between his legs, apparently embarrassed. "It's like I'm all exposed or something."

"You're a platypus, you don't wear pants!" Doof said coldly. He walked over to his fridge and began to pull out some more water when he noticed the lemonade container, still full to the brim. But if the lemonade was still here, then what was it that Perry had for a drink…?

"HE'S AFTER THE GNOMES, JIMMY! SAVE THEM!" Perry screamed, staggering around the room in a drunken manner.

"Norm!" Doof said under his breath. "That wasn't lemonade, that was a bunch of margaritas I was going to use to power my inator! And now I'm foiled by Perry the platypus, once again, surprise, surprise, but he doesn't know it because he's so drunk he's seeing marshmallows."

"Tiny bubbles…in my beer…"

"What?!" Doof spun around to see Perry twirling around the living area and giggling. He made a solemn swear to himself that he'd never use an intoxicating substance to power his inators ever again.

"INVOLUNTARY REFLEX!" Perry shrieked, then started tickling his own sides. Doof covered his eyes, telling himself that when Perry was out of it again, he needed to keep a hammer on his person. He couldn't find the hammer today.

"Good for you," Doof grumbled.

"You're next, Doofy," Perry chuckled.

"Wait, what?" Doof spun around to see Perry holding several kitchen knives.

"I INVADED THE SUSHI STAND AND I TOOK ALL OF THEIR KNIVES! FEAR ME, THE NINJA!" Perry shouted.

"Why don't you play with that cat over there?" Doof pointed aimlessly at the cat that was sleeping on his 'Retire-inator.' He figured that the cat would have more fun with the drunk platypus than he would.

"Bwainz!" Perry said, very muffled. Doof turned his head to find that Perry had the cat's head halfway in his mouth and the cat was looking helplessly at him for assistance. With a loud sigh, Doof walked over and pulled Perry off of the poor cat. Apparently he'd misjudged the cat's behaviors. Or Perry's…

"Perry the platypus, calm down," Doof sat him in a chair. Perry grabbed a muffin that was sitting in front of him and hungrily stuffed it down his throat. "Are you hungry? I can get you some more if you like."

"Didn't I tell you?" Perry looked up confusedly.

"Tell me what? That you were hungry?"

"No, that I'm pregnant."

"This is the last time I try to give you lemonade…"

"YOU HAVE MORE OF THAT YUMMY LEMONADE?! WHERE?!"

"Hey, I know a fun game we can play," Doof said, trying to distract his nemesis. "It's called who can stay quiet the longest. Don't you want to see if you can outdo me? Wouldn't that be so much fun?"

"Not as fun as this," Perry shook his head and began to armpit fart.

"What are you, three?" Doof blinked at him, frustrated beyond his usual amount. "Stop doing that! It's just abnormal, especially for you!"

"No, I'm five," Perry insisted. He continued to make the noise. "Doofy can't loosen up! Someone's getting to be an old fart!"

"When are you going to get back, Norm?" Doof wondered aloud, not sure how much more of this he could take. He looked up to see Perry happily frolicking around the room, screaming with delight. Doof walked over to him and shook him by the shoulder. "What'cha doin'?"

"I LOVE CAVORTING!" Perry yelled. "I'M CAVORTING! WHICH DESERVES A HUG!"

Just as Doof let go of Perry, Norm walked back in and handed him a small parcel that he'd purchased at the Googolplex Mall. Doof took it from him forcefully and gave him a very cross look. Norm just shrugged.

"It's good to see you, too, sir," Norm said gleefully.

"You were supposed to make that quick, Norm," Doof growled. Perry grabbed the bunches of bananas and began to hurl them at Doof and Norm while screaming more gibberish. "WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?!"

"THIS…IS…SPARTA!"

"Would you just give me the sedative before he does something even more stupid?!" Doof exclaimed.

"I just handed it to you, sir," Norm replied.

"Oh," Doof ripped open the box to find a hammer. He slapped himself in the face and shook his head. Norm just stood there, waiting for Doof's response. "Well, it's definitely not a sedative, but it should do the trick. Come here, Perry the platypus."

"YAY YOU HAVE COOKIES!" Perry leapt out of the box of bananas and came running for Doof. When he got there, Doof slammed the hammer on his head and Perry crumpled to the ground without another word.

* * *

When Perry woke up later that day, Doof was staring at him intently. He wanted to make sure he'd knocked the silly right out of him. Perry stood up and frowned at Doof. He didn't like being stared at so awkwardly by his nemesis.

"What gives, Doofenshmirtz?" Perry said defensively.

"Oh, good, you're back to normal," Doof sighed.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, you were doing some odd stuff earlier, like throwing bananas and cavorting."

"Cavorting? What the heck is cavorting?"

"I think it's some kind of frolicking…"

Perry blinked. Why on earth would he be cavorting in the first place? He slowly backed out of the door and made a run for it. Whatever Doof had thought he'd seen, Perry was certain his nemesis had to have lost it.

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**Haha, so I hope you like that! REVIEW AND LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT! Did you think it was funny? What was your favorite moment? XD there will probably be more one shots like this, so like "The Legacy Series" on Facebook. You should see a picture of Perryness!**


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